When you take responsibility for everyone and everything, wittingly or unwittingly, you throw yourself into a cycle of anxiety, stress, and sometimes depression as well. You feel it’s your fault when other people feel bad? You feel you’re responsible for your parents’ marital conflicts? You feel to blame if your child goes off in a bad way? You feel ashamed or fearful when you make a mistake? You feel mortified when something goes wrong at work, even when it’s a team effort? You feel like you’re going to have a nervous breakdown when you hear about turbulent world events?

You are not to blame for everything, but you are responsible for yourself. What do you have control over?

Your thoughts,

Your words,

Your actions.

Although sometimes, it may not feel this way. You may often act out of habit and long-standing emotional patterns. But if you decide to take full responsibility for yourself, you can learn to step back from these patterns and make happier and healthier choices not only for yourself but for others as well. Let’s change the way we live – start from now.

Look at your life from different perspective

1. Instead of a revolution
One of life wisdom says that if you want something new to happen in your life, you also need to do something different than usual. In other words, stop doing the same thing all the time. You do not have to turn your life upside down to make the change happen. Start it yourself by taking one small step e.g.: meet with someone you have not seen in a long time, go to the place you dreamed of, change the habit that takes you a lot of precious time. Act in a different way than you do every day.

2. The praise of traveling
Are you frustrated that nothing changes? Do you often think to quit everything and go to the unknown? Check if it’s just words that are thrown to the wind or the real need to change the environment. If you really need a trip, just leave. Take care of changing the environment, for a few days, weeks, and maybe longer. Every journey, far or near, gives the necessary distance, allows you to look at life from a bird’s perspective, listen to your real needs, answer the question: “What do I really want?”. If you change yourself a bit thanks to traveling, your life will change as well.

3. What new quality do you need?
Ask yourself: In what area of ​​my life do I feel the need to change the most? What exactly would I want to change in this sphere of my life? What can I do to change something? How can I give myself what I need so much? The last question is crucial. We often want this world and other people to give us what we need most. If we do not get it, we feel frustration, anger or sadness. What if we give it to ourselves first? And next – to someone close? Partner, family member, friend?

4. Do not act in the amok
Imagine this situation: you are experiencing a row with your partner or at work someone has accused you of something you have not done. Your emotions are buzzing, stress hormones are circulating, you do not control the words, you are even capable of physical aggression.
This is an emotional amok – a slightly different state of consciousness that distorts the perception of the situation. In such moments we want to change something, finish it as soon as possible. It is better to wait, cool down, breathe, and it’s best to take care of something else. Do not fuel the state of agitation with obsessive thoughts. Decisions taken at the time of emotional distress are usually irrelevant. Often we regret them later.

5. Practice gratitude
This is not a new fashion in the circles of personal development, but a technique that spiritual teachers recommend almost all traditions. The principle is simple: instead of complaining about your life and suffering, that something has not worked or that we have lost something, we focus on what we have. It’s about redirecting attention to fullness. When we start to appreciate what we have, we nourish ourselves emotionally. And suddenly, you may find that you no longer need to break the relationship or change your job violence. You can still wait and enjoy what is.

Basic training

Start with small steps: speak to yourself at least one thing every day for which you thank you for fate. Buy a beautiful notebook and write down everything you are grateful for. The more you write, the better you feel. Although this is only one of the effects of this practice. It’s all about changing thinking. Every day, say to your reflection in the mirror, for which you are grateful. This is not practicing unhealthy selfishness or a narcissistic attitude. It’s taking care of a good relationship with yourself, building yourself up, loving what you are. Every day, tell one person what you are grateful for (sometimes you just need to say “thank you”, which you consciously say to someone close, familiar, shop assistant). Spend a few minutes a day remembering the positive events of your life and feeling grateful that you could have experienced this.

Advanced work

Think about the person you suffered a lot from (for example, the partner who left you, the parent who treated you badly, the friend who failed your trust). Ask yourself: can I be grateful to this person for something? A rational mind will reject this proposal, he will try to undermine it: “How can you be grateful to someone who caused you to suffer so?” It is not an easy job because it affects the wounds that you have in your heart, but it heals them and makes room for forgiveness. Free yourself from grief and anger. You can write a letter to a person from the past – express all emotions in it, put the worst words on paper and then burn what you have written. You can also talk to a therapist, psychologist, trainer, to let the words free emotionally. When you do all this, ask yourself again: “What can I be grateful for this person?” (Eg “thanks to her I looked at my eyes, changed something in my life, I started a new chapter”). The highest degree of development is to see teachers in difficult experiences.

6.Trust the course of events
You think about life change, but you still have doubts, what do you really want? Postpone this matter for a while. Let life itself show you what is best for you. Sometimes the solution is to apply the philosophy of “wu wei” (doing nothing as our choice). You surrender to life, trust, or let go of mind control. Usually, nothing happens for a long time just to change this one element that turns everything upside down. As if life was saying to us: “You wanted change, you got it!” Instead of waiting for life to move from the hoof, it’s better to start being present here and now. It is also worth stopping before making an important decision, if a lot and chaotic happen around you, something breaks down, something does not work at the last minute…


For many of us, karma is still somewhat abstract. We like to say karma is coming back, rightly understanding that good or evil sent to the world will always come back to us, sooner or later in some form. Suppose you are always ready to help others. Even in trivial, simple situations: holding the door, borrowing a small parking meter. What is the probability that the person we helped reciprocate, or “continue” our good deed? What is the probability that our action has become a positive source of energy? In order to find out about it, it is worth to incorporate other Karma laws into your life. Are you curious about them?

1. The great law: “What you sow, you will collect” (also called the law of cause and effect).
Our thoughts and actions have consequences – good or bad. If we want peace, love, harmony, and well-being, we must be ready to take appropriate action. And of course – let others do what we would like us to do. Karma is coming back.

2. The law of creation: “What we want, we achieve only through our own actions.”
There are no accidental events, what happens in our lives results from our participation and cooperation. We are connected with the universe, so what happens outside has a beginning inside us – in our emotions and thoughts.

3. The law of humility: “Not accepting what you are a witness, will not make it disappear”
Acceptance is the basis. In short, to change a situation, we must first acknowledge it and accept it. By focusing on its negative aspects, you will not come close to solving it.

4. Law of growth: “We should put our development above all circumstances.”
The only thing we have control over is ourselves. Subsequent actions (or their omission) will bring about positive or negative circumstances in our lives. You want to grow, seek change within yourself, in your heart, and do not try to change everyone around you. When you change inside, the outside reality also changes.

5. Responsibility law: “Our life is only our work, nothing more.”
When something is wrong, outside around you, it’s usually because something is wrong inside of you. If we are to change our lives, we must change our well-being, master our emotions, change our way of thinking.

6. Law of the union and interdependence: “Everything in the universe is connected, both what is small and what is big.”
Our past, present and future are connected, they result from each other. What’s happening to you has its meaning. One stage of life is related to the next. Life is a process.

7. The law of focus: “Do not direct your attention beyond what is your task at the moment.”
You can not have negative thoughts or act in a negative way and expect to grow spiritually. We must focus all our attention on achieving the assumed goal.

8. The right to hospitality and giving an example: “Acting selflessly, we show real intentions.”
Put simply: what we say that we believe must manifest itself in our activities. Selflessness is a virtue only when we are something other than ourselves.

9. The law of change: “History will be repeated until you change it.”
A conscious commitment to change is the only way to influence the future.

10. The law of the present moment: “The present is everything we have.”
Looking back with regret and looking hopefully into the future, we needlessly deprive ourselves of new perspectives. Old thoughts and patterns of behavior deprive us of the chance to change.

11. The law of patience and reward: “You will not create anything of value without patient, consistent work.”
All awards are the fruit of continuous, systematic work.

12. Meaning and Inspiration law: “The best reward is the one that contributes to the whole.”
The final effect is nothing compared to what you have done inside yourself to achieve it.

It is worth taking to heart the words of Mahatma Gandhi: “Man is only a product of his thoughts, we are created in the likeness of our thoughts.”


Toxic relationships have many faces – they pop up in both our personal (parent-child, siblings, friendships) and occupational (supervisor-employee, coworkers) lives. You know the type – you lend a family member money, or a co-worker your car; or you care for their children while they go on vacation hoping they will one day return the favor. Unfortunately the toxic person doesn’t pay you back, returns your car damaged with no offer to repair it and asks you to watch their children again next vacation without ever offering to watch yours. It doesn’t happen once, it happens repeatedly in different forms. You feel hurt, taken advantage of and angry – at the offender and yourself. Bottom line is: you are consistently being brought down. You feel “used.”

Past negative time perspective and the toxic relationship:

The tendency to unconsciously seek out toxic relationships frequently starts with past negative experiences when we are children and might carry on throughout our lives. They can become so deeply ingrained in the way we think and feel that we don’t realize we are steeped in toxicity until (or) hopefully when someone else points it out. The toxic person in our lives (and maybe it’s us), is generally concerned about themselves and their needs; the relationship is classic codependent. And the worse form of toxic relationship is when that other is your partner or mate, supposedly there forever!

Five signs you’re in a toxic relationship:

In toxic relationship research, Yvette Bowlin distilled the myriad indicators of toxic relationships into the following five signs: it seems like you can’t do anything right; everything is about them and never about you; you find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person; you’re uncomfortable being yourself; and you’re not allowed to grow and change. If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good.

Five steps to end a toxic relationship:

So how do we get out of toxic relationships? Drawing upon clinical experience as well as research, the following steps are essential to ending toxic relationships in a healthy way:

1. Review past negative behaviors – start by distancing yourself from denial. This is a difficult first step to take as it requires an honest evaluation of how you feel about your relationship. As yourself if, when spending time with him/her, are you energized or drained. Do you feel like you have to spend time with, or do you feel sorry for him/her? Are you the giver and she/he the taker? Does your time with him/her leave you feeling put down, angry, disappointed or frustrated? Do you really like her/him?
2. Discover how you feel in the present – start by identifying the benefits in the relationship. Relationships, including toxic ones, have paybacks. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t stay in them. We may be reluctant to delve into what it is exactly we get from a toxic relationship, but it’s important to dig deep here. Ask yourself if he/she makes you feel good (or guilty) in some way; or if he/she reminds you of another toxic person from your past. The latter is particularly tough to look at because she/he may unconsciously be providing you with a deep-seeded toxic comfort level.
3. Practice selected present hedonism – fill the hole left behind from ending the relationship. Do things that make you feel better and in ways so that you don’t have to rely on others. For instance, revisit that project you put on the back burner, learn meditation or yoga, call friends, and remind yourself that you won’t feel this way (sad, angry, upset) forever.
4. Be pro-social – surround yourself with positive people. Hopefully these folks are working on their boundaries as hard as you are and aren’t enmeshed in their own share of toxic relationships and therefore become somewhat toxic themselves. The stuff is contagious. Be smart with whom you choose to hang out.
5. Replace past negatives with a bright future positive – work toward healing the part of yourself that may be attracting toxic relationships. This may mean exploring past toxic relationships, forgiving yourself for the part you played and realizing that you deserve the right kind of love and attention in order to create a brighter future for yourself.

Let go of the negative past and give love permission to enter your life. Let go of toxic relationships – the past negative people that bring you down and create past negative and present fatalistic experiences. You’ll create room in your life to focus on the good things, like past positive experiences and can start making plans for a new and brighter future. You’ll automatically start living in a more fulfilling and meaningful present.

Thomas Hobbes said that during his birth, his mother gave birth to twins: him and his fear. Few emotions define us in the same way as fear, which is usually stubborn and recurrent. It not only guarantees our survival, but also destroys many possibilities, like freedom and personal development. Fear can be uncomfortable and paralyzing. But to completely eliminate him from life would be like leaving doors and windows open or walking barefoot on sharp and stony paths. It would be a senseless risk that could directly affect the balance and desire to survive. Brave people do not get rid of fear from their minds. It’s always there – they just know how to manage it and use it to their advantage.cBelow I will show what is the anatomy of fear.

“I consider the braver one who overcomes his desires rather than who overcomes his enemies; because the hardest victory must be taken over yourself. ” -Arystoteles-

Alfred Hitchcock said there is nothing more pleasant than controlled fear. Some people go to the cinema only to experience fear, anxiety and all forms of fear. However, doing it in a safe environment and the opportunity to get out of the situation unscathed, relax in the company of a partner and friends causes a stimulating kind of pleasure. To say that fear is necessary and healthy is something crazy. This primitive emotion is beneficial to people, as long as we maintain a certain degree of control over it. But as soon as it takes control of us and launches more chemical storms and physiological changes in the body, everything begins to go crazy. Anatomy of fear is more complex than we might think. Fear changes into paralyzing stress, panic attacks and emotions take control, which allows for the implementation of complex but interesting processes.

Psychology of fear and the importance of learning how to manage it:

Pathological fear is one of the most exhausting emotions that people can experience. It is a huge part of generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, hypochondria and even OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorders). It occurs in many different shades and completely deprives the person, controls the quality of life and deprives him of dignity. You can even say that the most common fears in today’s society are those that live in our mind. They are not a response to external threats; rather, they are internal shadows that are difficult to get rid of, even if doing so is necessary for a healthy life.I would like to invite you to reflect on some of the simple strategies to manage these fears. Anatomy of fear can provide us with information on how to overcome it.

5 tips on how to deal with your fears:

1. Identify them, give them a name. Do not let them be silent or hide.
2. Start the war with your fears. Please note how they entered your life and take action to regain control.
3. Get to know them and try to understand where they come from. Remember that fear is the answer to internal and external factors. Sometimes the source is in You, and at other times something in your environment makes you uncomfortable and scared.
4. Stop feeding them. Understand that if you continue to give them more power, they will finally take over your life. Try to rationalize them and use all available resources to minimize their effects, regardless of whether it is: a deep breath, exercise or distraction. All these things will reduce your anxiety.
5. Talk to yourself as if you were your personal trainer. Design strategies to eliminate limiting behaviors from your life. Motivate yourself to cope with small everyday tasks; congratulate yourself when you reach them; and remember that it means constant work on yourself.

Anatomy of fear is a complex and wide topic. It will be incredibly helpful to learn to take better care of yourself, because if you want to achieve real happiness, you must first climb the fence of your fear.

Self-worth – what is it? It’s a mental state whose genesis is how we judge ourselves. Our self-worth is a resultant of experiences, upbringing, cultural norms, beliefs about the world and ourselves, a sense of agency or attractiveness. It is the self-worth that determines the quality of life to a large extent. Self-worth, or the way in which we see and evaluate ourselves, affects many everyday decisions, including what kind of work we choose, who we associate with, what activities we undertake or how we feel in social relationships. The value we attribute to ourselves is not something fixed once and for all. Self-worth is changing. Some experiences can quickly lower it, but it’s worth remembering that there are ways to develop self-worth. The point is not to artificially inflate the vision of yourself, but to learn about your strengths, learn to respect yourself, extract your own resources and consciously use them.

So… what is self-worth?

One of the definitions of self-worth says that it is “a tendency to experience yourself as a competent person in dealing with the challenges brought about by life and also deserving of happiness” (Dr. N. Branden). By developing or strengthening a positive and adequate self-image, it is worth thinking about how to build a tool that helps in a satisfying life, not patching deficits. I encourage you to discover and develop your resources, not to look for “faults to repair”. It is not about jumping to extreme, uncritical self-admiration, but about getting to know self and gaining trust and respect for that person that we are really – without unnecessary modesty, but also without excessive un-criticalness. How we think about ourselves affects many areas of everyday life, i.e.: family, work, relationships, undertaken activities. Therefore, it is worth thinking about strengthening the sense of self-worth – let it result from a reliable evaluation of experiences, not opinions of others about us. I encourage you to create your definition of self-worth. When thinking about working on self-worth, it is worth asking yourself a few questions: “What does self-worth mean to me?”, “Why should I have high self-worth?”, “What will change in my life (what I will do differently, how I think what emotions will accompany me then?)”,” How do I know that I have a strong enough sense of self-worth?”. People aware of their value:
– they often experience a sense of security, agility and peace;
– they cope better in difficult and crisis situations;
– they are more willing to undertake activities according to their own needs, giving them a sense of satisfaction;
– when making decisions they are less susceptible to the influence of the environment;
– they are open to criticism or the opinion of the surroundings on their own subject, but they are not the foundation of how they think about themselves;
– they are more often accompanied by a sense of independence and self-determination.

How to build self-worth?

Often people with low self-worth have little knowledge about themselves. It happens that they know more about others than about themselves, for example what family members, friends or work colleagues like, and when asked about their tastes, they have difficulty exchanging basic preferences. I also encourage you to write down the following questions on the sheet: Who am I? What I like? What makes me happy? What roles do I fulfill? (e.g. husband, partner, daughter, father, architect, runner, etc.) In what situations do I feel comfortable and uncomfortable? What do I dream about? What is important to me? Reviewing basic information about yourself can be the first step to continue working on your self-worth.

Avoid generalizing: Messages such as “I always” and “I never” are not conducive to understanding, either with the outside world or with self. That is why it is worth sticking to facts and not generalized assessments. The statement of the type: “I can never get along with people?” When we look closer – it is a huge abuse. Usually, however, we have colleagues in school, we are able to communicate with the team at work, etc. Therefore, the real sentence may be: “I not get along with everyone.” Another issue is whether we need to get along with everyone to have sufficient self-worth. I encourage you to consciously catch a few generalizing beliefs about yourself and to re-edit them.

Treat failures as a lessons: Challenges – not obstacles, lessons – not failures – it sounds like a motivational speaker slogan, but it is worth thinking about changing your perspective and see if it does affect the way in which you think about yourself and your experience. Try to recall an experience that can be assessed as difficult, e.g.: job loss. The next step is to try to broaden the perspective with which we can see this experience. For this purpose, it is worth answering a few questions:
1. What did this event teach me? Losing a job is not the end of the world, I can verify the list of friends and kind people, I saw how big network of social contacts I built announcing that I am looking for a job, I made sure I can count on loved ones, etc. 2. What good did I learn about myself in this situation? I can experience a lot of stress and come back to balance, I’m creative looking for a new job, etc.
3.What traits did I show in this experience? Strength, because despite the crisis, I tried to find another job. Courage, because I was able to try the work behind the current industry. Stubbornly, because despite the initial lack of job proposals, I continued to apply for subsequent positions, etc.
4. What good has given me a difficult situation? I know that after losing my job, I will manage somehow, I find myself in a situation of change and feel that I am better prepared for further changes, etc.
Usually, we rarely analyze crises from positive sides, but I encourage you to try to do this exercise.

Make a list of your successes and achievements: It is worth approaching this task by trying to exclude self-censorship and internal criticism. At the beginning it may be difficult, but you have to make attempts and shamelessly prepare the advertising folder of yourself. Let there be achievements in every area of ​​life, even minor and obvious to us, for example, the fact that you speak a foreign language for a large percentage of popups is quite an achievement, even if you think that success can be resolved only after learning the fifth language. Look into the list prepared once in a while, supplement it with new discoveries about yourself. Limit comparing yourself to others. Finding ten, a hundred or even a million people, which we judge as inferior to each other will not translate into a permanent increase in self-worth. Comparing yourself to others is an extremely unstable method, because you will always find someone smarter, faster, better built, wealthier, etc. The time and effort it usually takes to compare yourself to others is worth using to inspire them. If I admire a colleague for a style or figure, it is worth finding out or observing what it does, that it looks like, where does motivation come from, etc. At the same time, this procedure will help verify if actually having a colleague’s style is something that we want and which is consistent with our I need.

Refer to the facts: It’s important to work on the habit of making what you think about yourself real. Often beliefs about ourselves are not true to reality, which is why it is important for negative messages to be confronted with facts, for example:
– belief: “I’m stupid”, the facts: “I have a diploma that confirms my qualifications, I can express myself on many topics, I have several interests – what else does I need to recognize that I am wise enough?”;
– belief: “no one likes me”, the facts: “I have friends, acquaintances, relatives in the family, in the fitness club I made contact with one interesting person – what else do I need to acknowledge that I’m liked enough?”.

Decide: After updating your knowledge about yourself, preferences, needs, values, etc., start making decisions based on your knowledge about yourself. The gradual taking over of the helm will not only strengthen the sense of agency, but will also help build positive beliefs about yourself.

Help of a psychotherapist :Sometimes self-attempts to strengthen the sense of value do not bring sufficient effects. Then it is worth asking for specialist support. Working with a professional will allow to discover the deeper causes of difficulties in the area of ​​self-esteem and to develop effective and adequate ways to strengthen one’s self-worth. By working out specific experiences from the past, we can influence how we feel and function today, thus improving the quality of everyday life.

Worth knowing: What makes some people aware of their value?
Knowing our own value is influenced to a large extent by childhood and adolescence. That’s when capital is built, with which we as adults move into the world. Beliefs about us, messages that we get from the outside world create a kind of filter through which we see ourselves and the reality that surrounds us. Of course, the role of the self-worth built during this period can not be underestimated, but it should be remembered that you can always work on it. It is worth thinking about whether the choices we make in adult life are based on an adequate assessment of our capabilities and preferences or opinions of third parties.


Desire and definition of happiness, joy, and quality of life have accompanied mankind for centuries. In the 21st century, we often ask ourselves the questions: Am I happy? What is happiness for me? We are wondering how to improve the quality of our lives, live better, more joyful, more satisfying.

Talking about improving well-being is popular. We understand more clearly that welfare does not depend on material goods that we can easily surround. Zygmunt Bauman, a philosopher, creator of the concept of post-modernity, makes it clear to us: “Almost half of the goods necessary for man to achieve happiness do not have a market price and can not be bought in the store. Regardless of the wealth of our portfolio and the number of credit cards owned in shopping malls, we will not find love or friendship, the joy of having a home, the satisfaction of caring for loved ones or helping neighbors who are in need.”

Life is full of joyful moments. These can be simple things: a sunny morning, golden leaves on the trees; a soft cat fur; a neighbor’s smile; a sip of strong, fragrant coffee. These can also be unusual moments such as plane flight and watching the Earth from above, talking to someone close to you thousands of kilometers away, or exploring the beautiful corners of distant countries and even distant galaxies without leaving your home. Good times happen every day. But do we notice them? Do we appreciate them? Are we able to enjoy them?

Important questions are bothering, worrying, waiting for satisfaction. Mindfulness as a method of conscious life can bring many answers, satisfying even for very demanding people, and perhaps especially for them. In order to appreciate and properly understand what it means to include mindfulness in our lives, let’s think about what causes us to feel no joy and we consider our own life unsatisfactory or even unhappy. In systematisation of this understanding we can look at four truths which illustrate the seriousness of the situation:
1. First truth: when we ask questions about the quality of life, we realize how much we feel the lack of satisfaction, lack of joy, lack of happiness;
2. Second truth: there are important reasons for all misfortunes, great suffering and lack of joy;
3. Third truth: there are people who consider themselves happy, joyful, content. So it’s possible!;
4. Fourth truth: there is a way that leads to joy and happiness.

The benefits of mindfulness include:
– Less rumination – limiting the automatic thoughts. Less depressive symptoms;
– Reducing stress – relieving anxiety, tension, somatic pain;
– Better regulation of emotions – more effective coping with difficult emotions, e.g. sadness, anger, depression;
– Lowering emotional reactivity – not succumbing to sudden changes in mood;
– Increase in the quality of relationships – better coping in conflict situations, greater ability to express emotions, better understanding of the emotions of others;
– Improved work of the mind – a more lasting memory, stronger concentration, more effective focusing, non-dispersal;
– Greater cognitive abilities, deeper self-awareness – awareness of habitual, automatic styles of thinking and behaviors, learning a new way of reacting.

Start from now, as really, your now is the only moment which matters.


How to care for your boundaries? 10 steps to help you build healthy boundaries in relationships

What comes to your mind when you hear the word “boundaries”? Perhaps you are thinking about the state border or plot. The boundaries indicate where the area belonging to one reality ends and the other begins. Boundaries in relationships have a similar purpose: they help in understanding where one person ends and the other begins. In short, defining the limits is about telling yourself to what level of closeness to another you feel at ease. This allows you to set the rules that you require from other people. This applies to all your relationships: with your loved ones, friends, family members, and with everyone else who appears in your life. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is a skill that allows you to enjoy healthy, equivalent relationships. How to care for your boundaries? Lets see:

1. Set your boundaries

Identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual boundaries. Think about what you can tolerate and accept, what stresses you in relationships with others. Remember the repetitive, unpleasant situations.

2. Feel what you do not allow

The internal compass of feelings is helpful in determining the boundaries. Signals that you allow to cross boundaries are discomfort and resentment. They appear when you are used or someone does not appreciate you, and you agree for that. Feeling guilty is a sign that you are blaming yourself.

3. Be directive

Maintaining healthy boundaries requires direct and unambiguous dialogue. In a gentle but firm manner, say that you do not agree to …

4. Let the maintenance of the boundaries be a priority for you

When we start to protect us, changing our usual behavior, old patterns have their 5 minutes. Sometimes we may experience high level of fear, anxiety and guilt, doubts, whether we are doing well. Look at this phenomenon as a runny nose that will pass and do your part.

5. Practice self-awareness

Be mindful of your feelings in the process of learning to set boundaries. Ask yourself the questions: What has changed? What do I feel in response to my new behavior? How do I react to others now?

6. Consider the balance between giving and taking

Consider your past relationships (including those in the family when you were a child) in terms of balance in giving and taking. Can you give and receive? Is this happening in an equivalent way? Maybe you ignore your needs at the expense of others? Think about how it looks at work, at home, in a love relationship, in friendship. Or maybe others accuse you of not noticing them?

7. Recognize that your feelings are in the first place

When you accept such an assumption, it will be easier for you to function in relationships. Limits on their own will keep up and you will know how to maintain them. What you feel will be the best guideline. Contact with feelings results in a calmer mind, because this one has no doubt about what to think about a subject. Thanks to this you will be more present in relationships that will deepen.

8. Search for support

If you have trouble maintaining your own boundaries, seek help from a loved one or therapist.

9. Keep relationships

Learning to set boundaries usually ends with the fact that part of the relationship ends. They remain the most valuable. If you will be assertive towards someone and this will not destroy the relationship, the relationship will be maintained, you will have a gift. You will be able to grow in social interactions.

10. Recognize your small successes

Healthy boundaries like any new skill require courage, time and practice. Start gradually. The most difficult to set boundaries in close relationships, especially when they have been disturbed for years. Therefore, start with, for example, someone unknown like salesman. Enjoy every success and follow step by step.


The are 4 phases of alcoholism development: pre-alcoholic, cautionary, critical and chronic. In each subsequent phase of the symptoms of alcoholism it increases and becomes more and more intense. Nevertheless, treatment can be started at any stage of addiction development and it is always possible to return to total sobriety. How to recognize individual phases of alcoholism?

The phases of alcoholism mean that the alcohol-related disease does not appear suddenly, but in different periods they have different degrees of severity. This application was first proposed by an American physician of Czech origin, Elvin Morton Jellinek. The researcher based his conception on his own observations, which showed that every case of alcohol addiction is preceded by the occurrence of warning symptoms. If they are noticed in time, the development of alcoholism can be stopped even before the appearance of advanced symptoms of the disease. For this to happen, however, a quick and decisive reaction of the environment is necessary. Without it an addict is extremely difficult to stop drinking – left alone becomes more and more, and her/his alcoholism takes on a chronic character – treatment of alcoholism in this case is very difficult. Now, a little bit more about each phase:

1. Alcoholism phases: pre-alcoholic phase (preliminary)
The first phase, called pre-alcoholic or initial one, can last up to several years and does not arouse any suspicion in bystanders as well as a potential alcoholic. Symptoms characteristic for this phase do not differ significantly from the behavior of people reaching for alcohol on an occasional basis. The person’s approach to alcohol is decisive. Potent alcoholic, unlike people less exposed to this disease, discovers that drinking is especially pleasurable and relaxing for him. Therefore, he begins to treat alcohol as a specific means to improve his mood – he reaches for it whenever he has a bad mood, is depressed or something upset him. At this stage, he does not drink in solitude, but subconsciously seeks for the occasion – often goes to parties and social gatherings, where he has a chance to drink. With time, the reflex of reaching for alcohol in difficult moments is so strong with him that without an “auxiliary” he can not cope with the internal tension. As a result, he develops tolerance to alcohol and has to drink more and more to reach a state of intoxication.

2. Alcoholism phases: the warning phase
The warning phase begins with the appearance of the first “palimpsest”, or, in other words, the memory gap. This moment is commonly referred to as “breaking the film” – the man remains conscious (does not lose consciousness), and yet he does not remember what happened to him after getting drunk. For this phase, the repetition of palimpsests is characteristic even after drinking a relatively small amount of alcohol. In addition, you can observe several characteristic behaviors in a person at risk of alcoholism:
– accelerating the pace of drinking and initiating “queues”;
– a big change in behavior after alcohol – a person so quiet suddenly becomes the life of the party, he talks a lot, he is bolder, he gets rid of inhibitions;
– clandestine drinking – drinking glasses in secret, to quickly get into a state of intoxication, also lonely drinking before the party, to be “seasoned”;
– drinking without opportunity, alone.
The appearance of remorse is also typical of this phase. The potential alcoholic is starting to realize that he drinks too much, but at this stage he still does not allow himself to be aware that he has an alcohol problem. Instead, people try to justify themselves and rationalize their behavior (“everyone has the right to drink from time to time, I do not do anything wrong”). He responds with irritation to the attention of the surroundings and clearly denies accusations of alcoholism.

3. Alcoholism phases: critical phase
The critical phase begins when the alcoholic loses control of drinking. No plans or promises made to each other or to relatives stop him from reaching for a glass. There are still short abstinence states, but sooner or later they end up drinking again. The whole life of the addicted person begins to revolve around alcohol – her main occupation becomes planning when he/she drinks, alcohol or raising funds for this purpose. Alcoholic neglects the family, work, loses interest, stops taking care of its appearance and surroundings. His sex drive is falling. At the same time, he still can not admit to himself that he has an alcohol problem – he is constantly inventing new excuses, and reacts aggressively to criticism. The first physical symptoms of addiction appear, the so-called alcohol craving. Drinking takes on a continuous character with short periods of abstinence – in this way the alcoholic tries to prove to himself that he still has control over drinking. The rapid decline in self-esteem, a sense of emptiness and helplessness is also characteristic for this phase.

4. Alcoholism phases: chronic phase
The most advanced phase of alcoholism, in which the alcoholic gets rid of all remorse and inhibitions. He drinks almost constantly, and takes the first dose of alcohol in the morning. He is constantly intoxicated, alcohol tolerance is rapidly dropping – just a few glasses are enough to get completely drunk. Constantly high levels of ethanol in blood have a very negative impact on his health: there is a decrease in intellectual functions, psycho-motor slowing, sexual libido disorders, changes in character (disappearance of higher feelings), liver and nervous system. Each attempt to exit the alcoholic line ends with a severe withdrawal symptoms – hand tremors, headaches, general weakness, vomiting, sleep disorders, and anxiety. Chronic alcohol psychosis may occur. At this stage, the alcoholic goes back not only to typical alcoholic beverages, but also poisonous alcohol substitutes (e.g. denatured alcohol) can drink for lack of money. Due to poisoning, it is increasingly frequented in sobering-up centers and hospitals. Drinking constantly, in a continuous sequence eventually leads to total exhaustion of the body and can cause death.

Does any of the above phases describe your past behavior? It is never too late to change – remember this please.

How would your life be different if… You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day – You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.