Are you aware of your inner voice – the one that provides a running monologue? Cheerful and supportive or negative and self-defeating, this internal chatter is referred to as “self-talk.” Your self-talk combines your conscious thoughts with your unconscious beliefs and biases. It’s an effective way for your brain to interpret and process your daily experience. However, human nature is prone to negative self-talk, making sweeping assertions like “I can’t do anything right!” or “I’m a complete failure!” We know this negativity can be unrealistic or even harmful, but we do it anyway.

The good news is that you can learn to challenge that negative self-talk, and the  first step is becoming more aware of it.

“If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. Expect to be accommodated.” (quote: V. Moran)

Authenticity is everything! You have to wake up every day and look in the mirror, and you want to be proud of the person who’s looking back at you. And you can only do that if you’re being honest with yourself and being a person of high character. You have an opportunity every single day to write that story of your life” (Aaron Rodgers)

Being in touch with your feelings will make you a better person as well as a better parent and partner. Being true to your emotions can’t help but make you feel better about yourself, for you’re able to be authentic.

When we choose to bury our feelings, we act differently. We may not make ourselves available to others and may withdraw, or just not be fully engaged when we do spend time with other people. At other times, we can react inappropriately because our emotions are pulling us in a different direction from where we really want or need to go. When you express how you really feel (in an appropriate manner), problems get solved, relationship issues get resolved, and life is easier. In addition, you will like your life better because you’re not holding on to unhealed or confusing feelings.


Many of us live in denial of who we truly are because we fear losing someone or something-and there are times that if we don’t rock the boat, too often the one we lose is ourselves…It feels good to be accepted, loved, and approved of by others, but often the membership fee to belong to that club is far too high of a price to pay….

Are you codependent? If yes, would you like to change it?

Intensity-seeking is an enslavement of our own perpetuation. When we step out of the delirium of always seeking someone new, and meet the same old sad and lonely child within, our healing journey begins. Exhausting ourselves with novelty is a defense against our deepest pain, one that we cannot outrun. But once we stop and feel our losses, we can begin our healing journey and be the authentic, joyous person we were born to be.


The challenge of addiction is to understand how and why addicts are so insensitive to the future consequences of their drug use. When faced with a choice that brings immediate pleasure, even at the risk of experiencing future negative outcomes, addicts appear oblivious to the consequences of their actions. Even more challenging is the understanding of why this same choice is repeatedly made with the negative consequences. Understanding what motivates these decisions is a critical part of prevention and treatment of addiction.

Addiction arises when the automatic system wins the competition against the deliberative system for behavioral control. Both systems are important to forming decisions, and good choices appear most likely to emerge when the two systems work in concert.

Thus, addiction recovery includes restoring the balance between impulse and self-control. Eventually, there must be a connection between these two systems to control the impulsive system to treat the addictive behavior. For example, treating alcoholism is more than just stopping drinking alcohol, it requires to address the forces that compel needs for alcohol. Alcohol numbs the pain and allows one to think that one is doing just fine. Similarly, overeating (food high in sugar and fat) is used to deal with fear, doubt, and insecurity.

In the light of modern knowledge, it should be assumed that there are many ways to develop addiction, and the coexistence of biological, psychological and environmental factors contributes to its formation. None of them is addictive, although in the case of different people, the influence and significance of individual factors may be different. The emergence of addiction must be preceded by a period of using/drinking, sometimes longer and sometimes shorter. Addiction is not a genetic disease. However, in some individuals, biological factors play a significant but not independent role in the formation of addiction.

Internal sources of factors that support addiction development include damage to the body as well as physical and mental illness, a deficit of practical life/social skills and a destructive life orientation. On the other hand, external, situational sources of activating factors include situations of stress and increased risk, permanent damage to important social relations, and negative social consequences of harmful drinking/using in the past. As you can see stop using or drinking is a good beginning of the whole process but to fight the addiction we need much more to change…


“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” (Buddha)

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

Perhaps, you have difficulties to show yourself love, acceptance, compassion. If you would like to change that and learn more about yourself just visit my website and get in touch:


Mindfulness is the art of conscious living, as through systematic self-observation and study of the nature of own mind gives the opportunity to find harmony, joy and wisdom in life. It involves developing skills fully focus attention on what is in the moment, here and now experiences (sensations, thoughts and emotions). Clustering, in which we assume and accept what we are experiencing in the present moment, the way it is, without the habitual evaluation and attaching to it. In this way, we allow what appears in the attention has gone, giving the place the next, always current experience.

If you would like to find out more about mindfulness and learn about this way of living, justget in touch and I can help you with that.


Addiction recovery takes a lot of hard work emotionally, physically and spiritually. Getting clean is very liberating, and most addicts hit the ground running in early recovery. As time wears on and real life starts to creep in though, it can be hard to stay motivated. A lack of motivation can derail a recovery program, but it can be overcome.

Losing Motivation

There are many reasons you might lack motivation at times during recovery. Part of it may simply be because you lose steam when fighting a long battle against addiction. Reaching your recovery goals may be more difficult than you think, or you may let your guard down as you get further into recovery.

Becoming static in recovery can cause a loss of motivation, too. What was working for you in the beginning may not be working for you anymore, which can really slow you down. Unresolved emotions like fear, guilt, and anger can keep you from moving forward as well.

Having Realistic Expectations

Losing motivation during recovery can slow your progress, which can leave you open to the risk of relapse. One of the biggest reasons people in recovery lose motivation is their life isn’t turning out exactly how they expected it to once they get clean. No matter how great your progress is, there are still going to be difficulties that come along, and every day is going to require hard work.

Some may think that by a certain point, in a month, or in a year, they won’t have to struggle against their addiction anymore, but this isn’t usually the case. Healing from addiction takes time, and there are going to be setbacks. Having realistic expectations regarding recovery can help you overcome setbacks and stay motivated to do better.

Finding Joy in the Journey

When working toward a new, sober life, it’s tempting to focus on the big goals you’re hoping to reach in the future. Long-term goals can really help to keep you on track, but it’s the small successes along the way that will help you stay motivated.

Take the time to celebrate each accomplishment you make in your recovery process, whether big or small. Finding reasons to be grateful and even keeping a gratitude journal will help you to stay focused on everything you have, rather than what you don’t have. Look for reasons to be happy, and remind yourself daily about the things that are really important to you, and why you want to keep working hard for recovery.

Many people list issues with “guilt and shame” as a critical factor related to substance abuse issues and addiction. Therefore, learning to cope with guilt and shame cane be an integral part of the healing process for many individuals. Interestingly, the words guilt and shame are often used interchangeably.

However, in reality, the two similar feelings can be based on opposing view points. Here we review ways to view at guilt and shame in the recovery process.

What is guilt?

Guilt: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Another simple way to explain guilt is that guilt is the uncomfortable feeling we often experience when we have done something wrong. And believe it, or not, guilt can be positive and even necessary during addiction recovery. Features of guilt include:

  • Guilt is commonly based on a failure of doing, which often is a direct result of our behaviors and choices.
  • Guilt is based on values, morals, and standards, all of which are necessary and important with regard to guiding our behavior in a positive direction.
  • Guilt involves a violation of standards.
  • Guilt can be a motivator for positive change. In other words, when we do something wrong, then we feel guilty about it, those feelings can motivate us to change our behavior so we don’t make the same mistake or negative choices

How to consider guilt in addiction recovery

When looking at guilt as a violation of standards, it is important to think of the conditions of this feeling. It is completely normal to feel guilt on occasion because we all make mistakes and incorrect choices. But remember, one person’s standards can be very different from another’s, which can result in very different ways people experience (or do not experience) guilt. Consider the following:

  • Whose standards were violated?
  • Where did these standards come from? (Our family, our experience, our beliefs, peer group, society, media, politics, our own ethics, etc.?)
  • Is it possible never to feel guilty?

10 Tips for how to cope with feelings of guilt in addiction recovery

1. Face it.

Face the feelings of guilt. Release feelings of guilt by talking about them, sharing, confessing, getting honest.

2. Learn to forgive yourself.

Do you judge yourself too harshly?

3. Examine the origins of your guilt.

Is the reason that you feel guilt rational and reasonable? Inappropriate or irrational guilt involves feeling guilty in relation to something that in reality you had little or nothing to do with or in relation to something that in reality was beyond your control.

4. Change.

Change the related behavior so that the action or actions triggering feelings of guilt and remorse cease. Simply put: If something you are doing is causing you to feel guilty, then stop doing it and you will no longer have a reason to feel guilty any longer.

5. Clarify.

Clarify new values for yourself and take realistic action in the present instead of dwelling on the past. Think about positive action you can take in your life now to feel better. You are never too old to reevaluate your goals, values and priorities for the better.

6. Practice.

Practice forgiving others, helping others and doing good for others. Learning to empathize and forgive others can help you to learn to forgive yourself.

7. Apologize or just seek peace.

Is there something you can say or do in order to try to show that you are willing to make peace where there has been hurt, conflict, or disagreement?

8. Let go.

The past is the past, so at some point, even if there are things you have done to hurt others, if you are sorry now, you need to let them go. Or, if you are truly remorseful over something you have done wrong in the past and you tried to make peace or amends, you can still forgive yourself even when others do not forgive you. By the same token, if someone who hurt you is sorry, learn to let it go yourself so you can forget about the hurt and then focus on moving forward

9. Commit to the present.

Was there a legitimate cause for your past actions that was beyond your control at the time? For example, perhaps you hurt others while you were experiencing untreated mental illness or as the result of active drug or alcohol addiction that you are now making efforts to properly care for. Instead focus on behavior change which will influence better decisions in the present and future.

10. Avoid shame.

Shame is a basic feeling of inferiority. Shame involves the perception of oneself as a failure or feeling unacceptable to others. Shame can involve feeling “flawed” “unworthy” or “not good enough”.

Shame often involves forgetting or disregarding the fact that we are human and we make mistakes but that alone does not make us less of a person. Shame is about self- blame and is directly linked to low self-esteem. Shame often comes from the negative messages we may have received as children from our family of origin. (People who were put down or insulted as children, either directly or indirectly, may end up much more prone to shame-based thinking as adults, although this does not always have to be the case).

Getting past guilt

Irrational thoughts and beliefs can fuel shame and inappropriate guilt. These untruths can perpetuate negative feelings we have about ourselves. Take a look at these statements, and check your own beliefs regarding them.

  • I must get everyone’s approval.
  • I must be perfect.
  • Mistakes are bad.
  • If I am not like ________ then I am not a valuable person.
  • Everyone can see my faults.
  • I am not worthy of forgiveness.

Put it into practice

Think of the rational and reasonable alternative for each of the above shame-based thoughts. For example, for the first one, “In must get everyone’s approval” the more rational alternative might be something like, “I can still feel good about myself even if some people do not approve of me”. Try this for the rest of the statements above. It is worth it not to give up on working through your guilt and shame issues.